Jerry Cantrell offered to give me his toilet.

Writing sentences like that is exactly why I love my job so
much.

On a related note, do you know what else I love about my
job?

Perks.

I’m writing this from the Concierge Lounge on the 24th
floor of the Ritz Carlton hotel.

What’s the concierge lounge?

It’s like the VIP section of an already exclusive club.

And let’s not kid ourselves.

I don’t belong here.

But when you swim in the wake of a famous rock band, you get
to take advantage of the perks from time to time.

So, free breakfast in a swanky room on the top floor of a
five star hotel with an overly accommodating staff member basically tripping
over himself to get me more orange juice? Yes, please.

But what about the toilet?

It’s about as simple as it sounds, actually.

Jerry is having the toilet in his home replaced and asked if
I wanted the old one.

I’ve done a lot of things in my life, but researching
toilets isn’t one of them.

Well, it turns out that there are a wide variety of toilets
out there, and much to my surprise, there’s actually a massive price disparity
between your average toilet and the really upscale models.

So Jerry is offering to give me a really nice toilet because
he’s replacing it with a REALLY nice toilet.

I’m not so sure that once the ham hits the seat that my butt
cheeks are discerning enough to know the difference between a regular and fancy
toilet though, so I don’t know if I’ll take him up on his offer.

But I’m getting way off track here.

The toilet offer is a small example of a much bigger
picture.

You read from time to time about famous people doing nice
things behind the scenes.

Well, I’m behind the scenes, and I can tell you that the
members of Alice In Chains, both collectively and individually, do nice things
for people all of the time.

I’m actually pretty impressed by what these guys have done
over the years.

They’ve helped a lot of people and a lot of causes in a lot
of different ways, and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that some of what
they’ve done may have even helped save a life or two.

I have tremendous respect & admiration for the way these guys live
their lives, and how they pay forward their good fortune.

I would imagine that they consider the ability to help other
people to be one of the perks of their job.

So whether it’s in the form of a free toilet, or just the
feeling you get from doing something nice for someone else, a perk is a
wonderful thing.

Somehow, I managed to correlate and weave a story about a
toilet into an exposé on the benevolent nature of the
members of Alice In Chains.

And after 10 years of writing about the band, I also managed
to finally work my butt cheeks into things.

Excuse me while I go prepare my Pulitzer acceptance speech…

Rainier Fog

Available August 24