Two weeks ago I wrote about a crowd surfer who hung his butt out on consecutive trips up to the pit at Hellfest.
Well, there’s something in the water in France, because it happened again.
And this time the attack was far more prolonged.
To set the stage for what happened this time, let me briefly describe the setting at the Eurockeenes De Belfort festival.
The festival is held outside of Belfort France on the side of a lake, which is a pretty cool location.
The only other thing you really need to know is that the entire area from the stage all the way to the back was dirt.
Compact, reddish in color, and kind of clayish in texture.
Oh, and the entire site smelled of poo.
Upon first whiff, it seemed to be kind of horse manure-y, but there was a rumor floating around that maybe there was some human contribution as well.
I’ve spent plenty of time around horse manure (don’t ask), and this scent didn’t quite match up 100 percent, but I wasn’t about to go CSI the source, so I did like everyone else; got used to it and went about my business.
And my business involved shooting photos and video of the band tonight, which turned out to be a lot of fun, because the crowd was so entertaining.
People really seemed to be having a great time. There was lots of smiling mixed in with the headbanging and moshing and crowd surfing.
This crowd just seemed utterly joyful, which was cool and kind of different.
There were a couple of different mosh pits going at various times during the show, with the smaller of the two filled with guys that just seemed so happy to be smashing into each other that it was mildly unusual.
Even more curious was the second one, mainly because the biggest pit of the night broke out during Your Decision.
I expect to see a pit break out during the more up-tempo songs, so to see a pit going nuts during Your Decision, and then to see it turn into a circle pit where people were sprinting around like a human whirlpool was weirdly cool as well.
And throughout all of this was the coup de grâce; a guy in a thick beard with sunglasses and a cap, wearing a hospital gown.
Yep, a hospital gown.
And he was wearing it like he just came out of surgery to have all of his shame removed, because he was flashing the crowd all night long.
The most bizarre part was that he kept getting up and sitting on the shoulders of other guys in the crowd. And he was moving around from place to place so much that they couldn’t have all been his friends.
Which means that several men allowed a complete stranger in a hospital gown to sit on their shoulders and flash his bare ass to everyone behind him.
Make no mistake about it, there was nothing underneath that gown except his cheese plate and French baguette, if you know what I’m saying.
One wrong move with that hospital gown and suddenly that entire platter is on the back of someone’s neck.
He wasn’t content to sit on someone’s shoulders though; he was crowd surfing too.
And that gown was not up to the task.
The guy at Hellfest was flashing some cheek, but this guy was really laying it all out there.
And the bizarre thing was that no one seemed to care.
They were cheering him on, lifting him up, spanking his butt.
And smiling and laughing while it was happening.
It was all good natured fun, so who am I to judge?
If you’d have told me at the outset of this tour that within a two week span I’d witness two sets of French butt cheeks, I would have said “Sure. Why not?”
Then if you said that they’d be male, I would have said “Oh. Thanks, but I’m good”.
But in retrospect, it gave me another story to tell, it was certainly fun to watch, and I doubt I’ll ever see it again, so I have no problem with it.
And with that, the 2018 Alice In Chains French Butt Cheek Invasion Tour came to a close.
Vive La Butt Cheek!