We had one final bus ride on this tour, so I figured I’d go
out with a bang.
The band bought a GoPro a few years ago (or I bought a GoPro
with the band’s money. Whatever you prefer).
Last year I used the band’s money to buy a head strap for
the camera, which I’ve never gotten around to using up to this point.
The head strap was designed to affix the camera to your
cranium and capture bird’s eye view footage of things like skateboarding or
mountain biking or snowboarding.
You know, fun and exciting activities that lend themselves
to being filmed.
On our final bus ride of 2016, I used my head strap to
capture the members of Alice In Chains hurling insults at me at a breakneck
And I can’t say that I was surprised.
In fact, I knew this would be the reaction.
The minute they saw this ridiculous device adorning my head,
I knew I’d be getting an earful.
And not only were the insults awesome in their veracity and incessance
(thank you word of the day calendar), but there was an emotional element to it
as well, because we all knew this would be our last bus ride for a while, and I
knew how much they all enjoy destroying me verbally, and how much they’d all
After about 15 minutes the straps started to aggravate my
head and the insults had died down, so I turned off the camera and we watched
some TV on the final few miles into Reno.
Reno turned out to be a great place to end the tour.
The crowd was great, the venue was cool, and everyone was in
a good mood as the tour drew to a close.
Jerry came up to me shortly before showtime and said, “Make
sure everyone’s around when we come back for the encore.”
Apparently he wanted to thank the crew and even bring us out
I guess this happened on the last night of the last leg in
New York too, but I was running around backstage and missed it.
Anyway, The set ended, the band walked offstage, and the
crew was all gathered around as the guys walked back out.
Jerry got on the mic and started talking about what a great
crew we have, and how much work it takes behind the scenes to put on a show,
and a bunch of other really nice blah blah blah stuff.
Then he motioned for all of us to come out on stage.
I was next to our production manager and production
coordinator, and they both knew I didn’t want to walk out there, so they began
urging me on.
I took a couple steps past the curtain on the side of the
stage, then made a sharp u-turn and zipped back into the wings and toward the
I heard them yelling for me, but it was too late. I was
So yeah, I skipped out on going on stage and getting some
tepid applause from a few thousand people who just wanted the crew to hurry the
hell up and get off the stage so they could hear Rooster.
Fortunately with all of the other crew members out there, I
don’t think the band even noticed my absence.
Which was good, because I didn’t like being insubordinate,
but hey, I’m a bit shy.
Part of the beauty of this whole blog gig is anonymity.
I don’t wanna go on stage and be looked at.
Much like the majority of online commenters out there in
cyberspace, I prefer to hide behind my words.
Like a chickenshit.
It also helps to have a handful of other bald dudes on the
crew, so anyone who reads this and comes to a show might see one of us, but not
know if it’s me or not.
Basically I just want to do my job, go back to the bus or
hotel room, spew out a few paragraphs about the day, and go to sleep.
I think it’s really cool that people read this and write in
with kind words, or pick me out of our travelling six-man-bald-dude lineup and
say something nice, but ultimately it’s all about the band.
As much as I write about my own experiences out here on the
road, the whole point of the blog is to focus on Alice In Chains, even if it’s
in a roundabout way sometimes.
And now, much like the members of the band, I’m about to go
into hibernation for a while.
Hopefully it doesn’t last too long, and I’ll be checking
back in with you from the studio or the road or another Super Bowl.
Wherever it is, I can guarantee you that I won’t be wearing the GoPro head strap there…