I shaved my head back in 1993.

This was before every single white guy in America with a
receding hairline, low self-esteem, and access to a razor was shaving his head.

The look wasn’t nearly as widespread back then.

Nowadays you don’t look twice at a bald guy unless he has a
head shaped like a peanut, but back then it was a bit more uncommon.

So going back to 1993, I was out riding my bike when a
school bus full of kids passed by and one of the snotty little brats stuck his
head out of the window and shouted “BALDY BALDY BALD!!!”.

The guys were preparing for Lollapalooza at the time, so later
that night I went to band rehearsal and told the story, and from that point on,
Layne called me Baldy.

Not very imaginative maybe, but it was accurate and it

(Little known fact: I called Layne Stale Bread. That nickname
was just weird and it never caught on with anyone else, but I never stopped
using it, and he seemed to like it)

All four band members have nicknames.

In fact all of them have at least a couple, and in some
cases many more.

They also have aliases that they use when they check into
their hotel rooms.

This is a standard practice for musicians and celebrities,
but of course the members of Alice In Chains aren’t like most normal

They still behave like 15 year olds in some respects, which
means that two of the four aliases are a wee bit on the juvenile side of

One of them uses a last name that rhymes with a body part,
and the other uses a name that is slang for a body part.

I don’t like having to say either of those names when I’m
speaking with hotel staff, so instead of using Jerry’s, I just spell it, which
sucks because it’s long.

And I’ve found a way to pronounce Sean’s to make it sound
French, which eliminates the nervous giggling when they hear it spoken

It also makes him sound worldly and classy, which is a far
cry from how it sounds if you say it like you’re from New Jersey.

So at least there’s a workaround, but I’m hoping they mix
things up and find new aliases the next time we go on the road.

Then again, it could actually get worse.

Sean’s alias back in 1993 was Dick Butternuggets after all…