The “Triumvirate of Evil” portion of the tour came to a close in Clisson, France today, as Hellfest was the last of three straight metal festivals the band played.
I was out in the crowd for a good portion of the set, and I saw something I’ve never seen before.
I mean, yeah, I’ve seen plenty of butt cheeks in my life, but reading all of those stories is a path no one wants to travel down.
I’m talking about a set of cheeks out in the crowd.
I was watching the show out front in the throng of humanity and snapping a few pictures when I saw a guy crowd surfing toward the pit.
I immediately noticed that his shorts had been pulled partway down and his ass was exposed.
A few people were spanking him as he went by, and my initial fear was that someone was going to rip his shorts the rest of the way off.
Can you imagine minding your own business enjoying Alice In Chains live on stage, when suddenly a crowd surfer comes sailing over the top of you with his fully exposed um, resumé passing right by your head?
That’s an alarming scenario, and personally speaking, I don’t want my concert experience interrupted by a random French penis.
At this point it was only a PG-13 rated butt that was exposed, and this was a rare and funny occasion I thought, so I did my best to capture it on film.
I’ve taken a lot of pictures over the years, but so far I’ve never taken one of a strange man’s bare butt before. (I snapped a photo of my pal KR’s bare butt once. That too is another story I’ll keep to myself)
I felt like I had to capture this moment at Hellfest though, because if the guys in the band didn’t see it, I wanted to have the evidence to present them later.
So I took some classy butt shots and went back to watching the show.
And then a couple of songs later the guy reappeared and was surfing his way back up front.
With his ass exposed once again.
It turns it wasn’t an accident the first time.
This dude just wanted to hang the ham out in front of 50,000 people and take it on a ride.
That’s a little curious, but you know what?
I back that move.
Different is good, and if this guy wanted to unleash his pale cheeks on the unsuspecting metalheads, more power to him.
As long as no one got hurt or overly traumatized, it’s all good.
After all, he could have surfed his way up toward the barricade on his back instead of his stomach, and that would have unleashed an entirely different set of possibilities.
No one wants to reach up to propel a crowd surfer forward and get a big handful of squishy bare man-butt.
Then again, there were several people spanking the guy, so who am I to say what a French metalhead wants to do to an exposed buttock?
I’m just happy I was out there to witness it and capture the moment.
It was a jam-packed good time in France, from Iron Maiden sightings at the hotel (I shared an elevator with Nicko McBrain. He’s very polite), to meeting Hodor from Game Of Thrones backstage (He’s also very polite), to eating escargot at dinner with Mike & Jerry & William at a sidewalk café in Nantes.
And yet somehow I chose to fill this blog with butt cheeks.