Jerry Cantrell may possibly be jinxed.
I don’t really believe in that kind of thing, but I’ve known the guy for a lot of years, and if he’s not jinxed, he’s at least had a pretty solid stretch of culinary misfortune.
What am I talking about?
World renowned rock star Jerry Cantrell has had a run of bad luck dating back at least a decade when it comes to all things food related.
It would almost be comical if it weren’t so frustrating for him.
Most of this pertains to the after show food we order for the band to eat on the bus rides after the shows.
Jerry orders a salad.
The restaurant forgets the dressing.
Jerry orders a steak medium rare.
It arrives well done.
Jerry orders a side of fries.
He gets onion rings.
And if everything is correct with the order, then the odds are pretty good that at least part of it will just suck.
I saw something sitting in front of him last night that I wouldn’t have deduced was gyoza if you’d given me 10 guesses.
I’ve seen this man get screwed over by restaurants so many times I’ve just come to expect it.
And so has he.
Our production coordinator and I go out of our way to try and keep this from happening, but it almost always still does.
I would say at least two or three times a week his order is either wrong, bad, or missing something.
But every dark cloud has a silver lining.
Jerry has a reverse jinx too.
This one is related to sporting events, and once again, I’m not necessarily a believer, but I’ve seen it happen in person several times, so maybe he’s right in thinking it’s true.
Basically the reverse jinx revolves around good things happening for Jerry’s favorite teams when he leaves the stadium or arena.
Example 1: Super Bowl XLIII, 2009.
Jerry and I are fortunate enough to be in Tampa to watch our beloved Pittsburgh Steelers play the Arizona Cardinals.
It’s right before halftime, and Arizona is inside the 5 yard line and about to score.
Jerry decides, “Screw it. I don’t wanna watch Arizona score. I’m going up to the concourse to have a cigarette”.
Pittsburgh intercepts a pass and returns it 100 yards for a touchdown on the last play of the half.
Pittsburgh goes on to win by 4 points.
Example 2: NFC Championship Game, 2014
Alice In Chains plays halftime of the game between Seattle and Green Bay, and are given a luxury box to watch the game from.
Our beloved Seahawks are absolutely sucking the tailpipe all game long against Green Bay.
With 5 minutes left and the Seahawks down by 12, they throw another interception, basically giving the game to Green Bay.
Jerry decides, “Screw it. I don’t wanna witness the last 5 minutes of this debacle. I’m leaving”.
He leaves, and Seattle gets the ball back and scores.
But he hadn’t left the stadium yet, so he watches from up in the concourse.
Seattle gets the ball back on an onside kick and Jerry decides to come back to the box.
He walks in, and literally everyone else there turns around and screams at him to get the hell out (the reverse jinx is well-known in our circle).
He walks back out into the concourse and Seattle scores again, and eventually wins in overtime.
I’ve seen this happen at least two other times at games, when he leaves his seat and something good happens for our team.
It’s kind of remarkable.
But it’s not football season anymore.
It’s touring season.
And yeah, Pittsburgh won Super Bowl XLIII 9 years ago, but that doesn’t make the gyoza taste any better in 2018.
So Jerry will have to suffer through four more months of erroneous and ill-tasting food orders before football season rolls around and provides some hope to reverse the curse.
Let’s hope he makes it…
